♠ The Masochist/Sadist Butterfly ♠

the hair

2005-12-06T08:28:00.000+08:00

ok, so i got a haircut last saturday and i didn't see anybody i know from outside my family after the haircut thing.. so i get to class yesterday and my blockmates didn't know that i was the one entering the room.. distorted na din ba mukha ko? hehehe.. so there, smiles and stuff greeted me.. ang kulet coz random people (some blockiez, some friendlie friends, etc) kept on telling me that i should join starstuck!! errrr, no friggin way (not unless i got into the top 20 and started doing this acting exercise in front of one of my most major crushes --> DENNIS TRILLO! hahah) !! so anyway, there.. jill told me that my hair was some sort of a celeb haircut.. i should tell you that i copied my haircut from this really thick mag that ishi owns.. guess who owned my hair.. ashlee simpson during her black, choppy angled bang, mid length locks time.. get the picture? well, something like that.. anyways, i love my hair now and i'm actually taking care of it again.. i guess that's what matter, noh? i actually started feeling a bit more confident again.. which is prolly good, right? =)

if any of you guys (if there are still people reading my blog) know any songs in the line of those nice ones played in smallville, one tree hill, the oc, scrubs, etc leave a message containing the title and the artist.. and if you're that nice, leave the lyrics na din.. hihihi.. =p

till next time that i'm not lazy to type down my thoughts.. loggin' off!

waah

2005-11-17T09:02:00.000+08:00

tons and tons of reporting, i hope i get out of all of them... ALIVE!

blog clean up

2005-08-02T08:27:00.000+08:00

i finally cleaned up my blog posts.. sorry to those people whose messages i've erased because they were linked to the blog entries i didn't want littering my site anymore.. sorry

a few weeks ago, our college guidance counselor dropped by to make us write our top 5 achievements and to draw something that we think best describes us.. as expected i drew a butterfly :) and kulit lang, coz we were all so excited to get it interpreted.. a few days following the said event, we dropped by her office to cunsult it.. i was so funny, coz in a way i believed it.. why? coz i felt that i really could identify to the things she said about my drawing.. hehe..

it's august already!? prelims are coming up and i have poems to submit.. stress!

i'm having ang allergy attack right now.. i'm not feeling well.. this might even be something else..

i'll be back later.. with more sense.. harhar

ntw, if anyone knows the title of that somg in the new one tree hill commercial at etc message me!! the one with haley and nathan with the white background and cursive lines below.. :)
+ cleaning up felt so freaking good!!! +

I'm TEMPORARILY back...

2005-07-18T11:42:00.000+08:00

still no internet connection at home

rundown on my life...
hmm.. i got over him, which is way beyond good
i tried out for the college paper AGAIN.. and got rejected AGAIN...
i sprained my ankle...
i'm going to dance again
in short, nothing new..

haha

+be back later, when i'm not typing in an absolutely sauna-ish place anymore.. :) +

stressed out!

2005-03-11T18:25:00.000+08:00

finals na next week... there's so much to do! i don't even know where to start... i'm in the panic zone already... and please, let's not go to chemistry... it's the only thing getting in way of getting into med school... damn!

pointless. nonsense. not that

2005-01-06T14:26:00.000+08:00

***after what felt like an entire eternity, i'm finally back to recuperate my useless blog. since nobody really seems to be dropping by,why the hell should i update this thing anyway? err... walalng... wala nang pakialamanan :)
***anywayz, what is there to tell? well, i could make up a tall tale and make myself believe that things really got better in the "life" department. if you want to hear me lie, then listen up:
the xmas break was awesome. (gawd!i so don't know how to make up a credible story. i can't even believe my own! hehehe - duh, why would i?)
***enough. my brain is literally pushing it's self to the limit. tamad akong mag-isip ngayon. i've done enough thinking to last me a lifetime. i also think that i think way toooooooooo much. that's why i get lost in my thoughts na sometimes - which by the way sucks especially when you're supposed to be listening to something or someone.

***actually, i'm not around to really update you with stuff i've been up to. i'm just here to drab on and on about my pointless and boring life. *yep, i'm whining!* to make matters worse, it's raining outside. nakakadepress lang lalo.

+ ganon eh... you can't just force it upon others, but you can force some things to yourself. wag ko lang sana pagsisihan. sabagay, wala namang pagsisisihan. diba _____? +

2004-11-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

miss ko na blog ko! huhu

and oh, i miss YOU..... You may or may not know who you are..... nevertheless, i miss you!!

back pains galore!

2004-09-16T10:51:00.000+08:00

.o9o9o4. what happened? i don't know... ah! i was panicking coz my declamation was the next day na! memorizing hell! hahaha

.o91oo4. declamation day! i would've aced it... but no, i actually blew it! i couldn't remember this line and i couldn't here my dictator's voices. damn!

.o911o4. acquaintance party. morning pa lang, i was up and at it na. my mom and i went to the mall to do some last minute shopping. i bought a new pair of "tie-around" shoes and some accesories. super nice nong shoes! :) got home a bit later than expected. i even ate lunch in the car. i got ready agad when i got home so i can leave early and get to discontrol by 3(sabi nila eh!). as expected, wala pa din sila. hmph! practice dito practice doon. it was time to "change costumes" i loved the way i felt in the (borrowed) dress. i felt girlie and pretty. but, my feet were starting to kill me. damn! fashionista part: change costume ulet. i panicked a little bit more thinking magsasayaw na kami. di pa pala. changed into my fashinista attire. mejo daring, and a bit sexy. bikini ba naman under a tube? hahaha... no choice! ulet, shyetz! and nice nong mga kasama ko, even those na ndi ko kablock(nawawala din nmn ang 2E!!) helped me dress up or fix my porma or something. natouch ako :) by this time, my feet were absolutely really killing me na! last change of outfit for the sayaw: my originally planned outfit. our dance was a mess. shit. hehehe. i didn't win the pageant, nor did i even get into the finals. no biggie. i got complimented several times. i felt good about myself naman. i guess i did win. (even if the party sucked and i was dead tired and my feet were killing me ~ no biggie) texted my buds. got really touched with LIZZIE's message: "Gurl, ur stl d winner 4 me.. i knw wat,xe ur gud nman tlga kxo ung mga (bleep..wag na sabihin!hehe). u did well dude.ü ur d pretiest.ü nyt.ü" aww... shucks talaga! :)

.o912o4. my relaxing day... hay!

.o913o4. debate ko! walalng..hehe.. naasar ako kc i was not able to state all my points! grrr! but we won didn't we? hehe

.o914o4. laugh trip ng personalities. gosh! ang kukulit ng mga kablock ko na guys... mga ndi 2nd yr college! hahaha

.o915o4. we won the football game in pe! woohoo! basta! all smiles! grabe...! ahh... dorm ni my. don sha. "inaway" ko. amp! nagtext!!!! shyetz! :)) finished MY SASSY GIRL.. ang cute cute nong movie! sweetie na ewan! basta, watch it! :)

.o916o4. meeting up with NIEL and MIKOY. :) saw CARLA on the way to school. still have back pains. ndi pa ko nag-aaral! amp! gagawa pa ko ng powerpoint later. bwiset na ethics yan... dapat sa monday na lang eh! argh!

tamad na ko..sige, i have to go and study Erik Eriksson pa... :s

1 hour...

2004-09-09T09:30:00.000+08:00

my gawd... yesterday was one of the most okay days ever... tamad ako magpost... sa susunod nalang... :)

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	awakening my heart
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	eternal

Quiz created with MemeGen!

hear! hear! ~ shame! shame!

2004-09-07T10:36:00.000+08:00

an early bird. had to run errands for officers, and yes, to my advantage. also, found out that the other saturday pix got released. too ashamed to even peep at my own portrait. supposed to have pe make up classes today, dangblasted prof didn't show up. now, here in the computer lab, trying to find declamation piece i desperately need by tomorrow. still have practice later. meeting up with my cuz to get the skirt that i'll be wearing on saturday. physically: still on the sleepy side. emotionally: wanting to be unstable, to have excuses. mentally: capable yet, recently, inacapable. spiritually: short, big time. wasted. wanting to pig out, just pig out. i have so much to do. good thing, chem lec test was moved. oops, chem lab test tomorrow. declamation on friday. fuck, i was supposed to declaim wednesday, next week. acquaintance coming up. i'm both nervous and excited. hope my feet won't kill me. i bought killer shoes. excited about my bag. considering watching the debate. might not be allowed. there to support small shoes. seriously not up for anything. my eyes are becoming a bit droopy. i can't sleep here. tired. but i have no other place to run to. i keep running into walls. i get pushed back to where i came from. how annoying. didn't bring much dough today, can't splurge on feel good food. where will i have lunch? alone again? get this over with. you're becoming a lunatic. don't aggravate matters. a thought, i would not let my fashion sense crash with a pair of tacky knee-high socks, even if it means getting dirty every soccer match. period. brain damaging. more jokes. more laughter. quit toying with my mind. really tired. torture is such a heavy word. restriction is too light. nonconformity is my game. crazily, annoyed and temporarily out.

Confusion Breaks Free

2004-09-06T09:38:00.000+08:00

where you are, seems to be as far as an eternity
out stretched arms, open hearts
and if it never ends, then when do we start?

THE NOTEBOOK: this is the third movie made that was based on one of Sparks' novels.. the 1st one, A Walk to Remember, was rather tear inducing.. but as many commented, the book was better than the movie.. The Notebook which stars Ryan Gosling(starred opposite Sandra Bullock in Murder by Numbers) as the young Noah Calhoun and Rachel McAdams as the young Allie Hamilton(Jessica in The Hot Chick, Regina in Mean Girls) is nothing less or more than the novel, it is of equal joy and sadness.. in my opinion, the notebook was made into a better picture than awtr.. this is the first movie that ever made me cry a ton, even during the sweetest parts.. this love story will definitely stand the test of time.. the notebook is currently my top 1 favorite movie!! it's worth your 60 pesos or so.. i'm waiting for a fake dvd copy to bring home, so i could watch it over and over and over again.. :) if you're ready for some heart breaking and sob inducing movie watching, be sure to bring some tissue.. matigas lang ang di iiyak! *hehe*

saturday: prepageant... i feel like i blew my chances... 'nuff said...

+ kicking out of here.. basta, catch THE NOTEBOOK! it's more than worth you're money :) +

hands full of hair

2004-08-30T09:51:00.000+08:00

I have back pains!! derrr... I got this from last Saturday's practice. and i totally wish that i have all the dance steps are in my brain! derrr!! move your body, isn't even half in my brain! and hirap noh!

lagare ako sa acquaintance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! josko Lord, are the least bit mad at me? huhu.. ATE K.A. told me that they were planning to get sponsors for the muses and escorts. why? para may damit daw kami.. for what? ewan!! the problem is, how am i going to change na madalian? for the sayaw and everything!? amppppp.. i was planning not to bring anything na! except for my bag(w/c i still don't have! i really have to go to GH!! i don't even have schoes and accesories yet!) na ang laman lang ay phone ko, money, perfume and my ever so reliable kikay kit. bahala na...................... ayaw ko na!!

right now, my tummy hurts.. i better wait for ISHI downstairs so i can ask her to accompany me to Dapits.. hehehehe..

KAT may sasabihin ako sayo!hehehe..later gurl :)

at it again

2004-08-23T09:12:00.000+08:00

yes, i am at it again...

when i thought my social responsibilities were finally coming to an end, i was once again thrown back into the ring. am i out of my legal tantrum age now, or can i still do that?? sept 4 is really going to kill me! as of now, i have 3 things lined up for that date. all of which, more or less, happen during the same time. *emphasis on the TIME.. i mean it literally* i'm still waiting for no. 4. . shucks! okay, so that's the supposed date for the rummage sale, prepageant and med mission. josko, i'm waiting nalang for ATE K.A. or JANE to say that we have practice din. *i am sooo wasted*

i wanted to get into my block's debate team.. seriously.. i wanted a shot at it.. i actually thought that we would still be having an elimination in our class.. unfortunately, out blockiez had to handpick the candidates.. to my dismay, i didn't get picked.. oh well.. even if i'm packed with stuff to do, i did really want to be in that debate thing.. i'll just try my luck in the class debate ekek.. i'll do my best! grabe, finals ko un ah!

anyways, i was texting with my bud yesterday. pinagtatawanan pa ata ako for being our block's rep. *uhhh..* so un, i was telling him na my sked's so packed right now. he mentioned that i wished for that nong summer. i wonder why i don't remember wishing for that! *hehe* my wish probably malfunctioned kc parang sumobra naman ata! * haha ulet* sbi ba nmn skin: it didn't.. you just weren't ready for it.. *guess sooo*

my crowd and i got into some sitch just recently. i wasn't there when the talk happened 'coz my dad was already downstaris, ready to pick me up. i thought that we were breaking up na. yes, we do have divisions. we are not a perfect crowd; but at least most of us chose to stay together. kahet ako, ayaw kong magkahiwa-hiwalay kami. I LOVE THOSE GURLZ! we all have our flaws and our strengths and those traits may sometimes get in the way of the friendship; but it should never get in the way of real friendship - and love, in hand.

let's not forget.. bad vibes.. basta, un na un! *hehehe*

+ zooming past you! +

another day in this sick, sad world

2004-08-19T09:56:00.000+08:00

nakuuu.. the uncontrolled downpour of acid rain is drowning me once again.. translation: my life is in total turmoil.. i don't even know where to start and where to end.. yesterday, REGZ caought me talking to myself twice!! i wasn't even aware that i was doing that.. talk about AUTISTIC! (oo na, child with autism and abnormalities na ko! i admit it! are you happy na!?) *hehehe*

in a while, i might just get into an emotional breakdown.. my systems would close down permanently.. would anybody miss me!? *kidding* but seriously, i want to cry my eyes out (which, in fact, i kind of did yesterday) pero walang lumalabas.. besides, if anyone asks me why i'm crying i'd just tell him/her na ewan!! and reason namen ni LIZ: everything just plainly overlaps each other.. sa dami di na natin alam kung anong iniiyakan o irarason sa pag-iyak naten!! i am so out of myself.. plus, i have a lot of activities lined up.. talk about major stress! declamation..palarong agham..psych acquaintance party..rummage sale..lts(project and everything!)..telenovela..red cross..reportings..naku,i don't even want to remember!!

say self-combustion!? hahah.. but JEAN and I are planning to run for next year's Psych Student Council.. hope we get in, though..

cge, i'll fly back when i can..nagkakaron nnaman ata ako ng panick attack..!! sheesh

+ somebody save me.. +

pieces of me...

2004-08-05T09:47:00.000+08:00

so there..i've been singing that songs since last night!actually,ndi lang yan ung nastuck na song sa brain ko..hehe.. there's my happy ending and of course my song of the moment - MYMP's Could Be Wrong.. :)

* ohhhh.. it feels like i could finally rest my head on something real.. and i like the way that feels.. ohhhh.. it's as if you knew me more better than i ever knew myself.. i love the way you can tell.. all the pieces, pieces, pieces of me.. *

* you were everything, everything that i wanted.. we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it.. all the memories so close to me just fades away.. all this time you were pretending.. so much for my happy ending.. *

* if i could hold your hand.. look into your eyes.. would you try to understand the things i'm gonna say.. if i could show you boy.. how much i feel for you.. would you turn around and tell me.. you feel the same way too.. could be wrong you know.. comin' out of the blue.. i really have to say this.. baby i love you.. * <<>LIKE you!? hehehe

but wait there's more! how could my playlist be complete kung walang when will it be me and another used to be!? heheh.. :)

* when will it be me? when will i be the one somebody's dreaming of? when's it gonna be me? when will i find my heart lyin' inside the arms that never lets me go? i'd really like to know.. when will it be me? *

to be comtinued!!! *excited ako!!*

how do i start this?

2004-08-03T10:06:00.000+08:00

so anyway, i am once again the thomasian early bird. it's only 9:20 here and my classes don't start till 2:30. talk about major vacancy. getting here early is better than riding a taxi with a very masungit manong taking me to school. pshhhh. my dad dropped me off with the car he loves so much - pshhhh - but he wouldn't let me have it (i don't think he'd let me drive it too!) pshhhh.

i am so braindead. i don't know how to write a freakin news article. the thing is i'm not a good writer. i think that i write better if the story is a bit fabricated! hahaha. kidding! what i mean is that, it's easier for me to write if i could use some adjectives - it's a strict rule not to use adjectives in news story writing. back to my sitch. how the hell am i going to finish this general assembly thing? it's due today!! i think that if i add more info to it, it would be totally lame. it sounded was better when it was way shorter. argh!! (yey!napahaba ko na sha ng onti!!)

i asked people yesterday(but i've been asking people since last week) MY question:

would you let moments pass you by or would you put
matters in your own hands? would you or should you?

people would say na it would be better to choose the 2nd option. others would claim that it's better to raise up these matters to God. one of my friends even said that maybe it was better if i let some moments pass me by muna. but i'm very tired of letting them pass me by. so anyway, wouldn't my question raise another question?

if God gave us freewill, should we be able to draw our own destiny? or should one actually depend his/her life entirely on God? aren't we given the intellect for choice? doesn't this intellect for choice make us beings that can direct our lives whichever way we choose (but let's not forget that we still need God's guidance)? if we just stand still and wait for things to happen, are we keeping ourselves away from our real destiny? or does that mean that we're just too scared to actually learn and experiment?

i have a lot of questions in my mind. and i am in dire need of someone with a lot of sense to actually have a conversation with me. i really miss talking to people who i can have imaginative and intellectual conversations with. wouldn't that make life immensely colorful? :)

so anyway, back to my questions(1st set lang). a certain person's answers hit the jackpot. here are PECTO's insights:

would you let moments pass you by or would you put matters in your own hands? would you or should you? would you or should you?

>> Its not that i should not, coz some things could be left alone to work out in time. HOWEVER, i would rather have taken responsibility than risked my chance to fate.

when should one take responsibility? when should one leave things to fate?

>> I guess it depends on how much you want something, and how much you're willing to work for it, willing to lose. besides, it feels better when you, not fate, worked for it and succeeded.

(thanks so much!)

by the way, HAPPY 2nd MONTHSARY to REGZ and ACE!! :)

...and it's +LOLA's 1st month...:(

+ thinking, thinking and more thinking. when will my brain stop ticking? +

should i let these moments pass me by or should i take these matters into my own hands??

2004-07-29T10:07:00.000+08:00

with this question in tow, i've been torturing myself since the other day. i don't exactly know which option i should follow because i have no basis for the possible errors i may face. though i know, that i don't have much to lose. well, to tell you the truth i have more to lose than you think. there's dignity, friendship, and other things i'd rather not say. eh ewan! i'm being all weird nanaman. proof: i think i'm contradicting myself.

so anyweiz, i'm in the lib again. i am once again maximizing my 1 hour expiry time here. but, i'll be transferring to cl-1 again later (extended i-net time!!bwahehe)

u have this chem quiz later but i'm super lazy to study.

i'll post again next time..tinatamad talaga ako..erggggggggggg

my parallel universe or just the real world?

2004-07-27T10:07:00.000+08:00

i have recently found out something about myself. it might sound weird but i'm immensely proud of it. i am an arguer, a non-comformist who likes to oppose the ideas and the thoughts of many people. i've always wanted to be a non-comformist, but wanting does not necessarily mean that you are what you want to be. so when LIZZIE told me i was one, i was proud of myself. *weird tlga noh?* i never thought that i really projected what i wanted to be, or in other words who i really was. i feel nice knowing that actually.

so anyway, i am maximizing my internet time again. right now, i'm in cl-1 here at the main bldg. i have a ton of homework to do pa, but where am i nanaman? i need to unwind. and please, i don't wanna be the loner who constantly roams the ust campus early in the morning. i don't wanna be a loner. i was never born to be one, to begin with.

i have to eat lots and losts of green leafy veggies. i have to exercise and develop good sleeping habits. why? because i want to be healthy... to increase my phreromones *spell check!* :) hahaha!

i went to pampanga last weekend! i was with my kada coz we had to shoot this video project for english. i had lots of fun kahet na ndi kami gumimick whatsoever! the only bad trip thing about pampanga: super traffic! i don't even know how long it took for us to get to mimosa or to sm and back to ISHI's place coz i slept pretty much the whole time - i slept for less than an hour lang the whole 24 hours before leaving for mimosa nong sat. details to follow - it's so cold here!

i'll be back soon to update whoever you are with my life. i have to do that psy 206 thing pa and memorize for chem. tiddle doo!

+ minimal actions speak louder than thunderous words. one can't sweep me off my feet with sugared promises and corny pacutes. i've learned my lesson. *grins so big it hurts!* :) +

Where am I heading now?

2004-07-22T09:40:00.000+08:00

to tell you the truth, i don't know.. it's been an intense week and i'm where i am - which is nowhere. no, i'm not trying to be some whinny bitch. nor am i saying that my life utterly meaningless or worse, useless. all i'm saying is that i've been hitting the curb far too much - way too much than my expected limit. i know that my way of living right now is not a excuse for my study habits, but hell, i'm constantly tired and basically, just really worn out. don't blame me. i try but, whatever! even more annoying when you have rather incompetent professors - good thing, pitpit isn't my prof this sem!! chem lab is a bit tolerable but....

what is so wrong with me? ewan, a lot of things are on my mind nanaman kasi. our pampanga shoot starts tomorrow, and i'm soo excited! un nga lang, i don't know what to bring!! i have this gawad kalinga assignment to do pa, but the comp i'm using right now (here sa uste lib) doesn't have msword whatsoever! what am i going to do now? i'll bring GAIL with me nalang later. yes, we'll be meeting again later - she didn't show up last tuesday. i have a prob with my test as well, will LIZ take it for me ulet (nahihiya na ko!) or can i use ISHI's comp when we get back from pamp? tas there's this group assignment pa, and then the prelims are coming up. plus, there's the thought of the whole identity fiasco...... oh, let's not get there! (haha) stress....... :)

basta, it's so hard to get around without a computer! and without an internet connection! tormenting! i can't write properly, i can't do research, i can't take my own lts tests, i can't own this computer! waaah! there isn't any computer shops near our house pa naman. argh!

so anyweiz, i wanna write some more but my thoughts are really all on top of each other. it's got kind of a funky feeling (hahaha! kidding!) i feel rather saddened (hahaha! ang drama!) seriously, it's kinda annoying. but whatever, i'll get through this. i just need my friends right now and they're totally there when i need them. :) *mwah to the gurlz*

the mysterious lefts and rights of my so-called life

2004-07-15T10:41:00.000+08:00

okay, so now, i'm homeless... well, technically we have a house but i don't have my stuff with me! i miss my shoessssssssss! and i can't write properly without my computer!! my june digest poems are there, bwiset!(why my poems, of all things!?) then, i had to find out that (*tooooot* the satellite had a problem in directing the data to whoever is reading this *tooooot*)!!!

i really don't know if i should hate my life or what. it's become so complicated. we're experiencing (and will be experiencing) lots and lots of adjustment periods. i miss my crib. i miss my old life. can't i be happy again? i am kind of happy, that is, when i'm in school.

i'll be back whenever..i have not used the i-net for more than a week!gosh..i'll check back later..

+ my life is a test in LimBo +

my boomin' and bangin' life!!

2004-07-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

Sudden turn of events. I have one less family member... I was so shocked to hear about lola's state yesterday (I even cried, my blockiez saw me). Then today, she finally gave up...

The thing is, God is so mysterious! Even if my life kinda slipped on the edge, He gave me some reasons to still feel better...

I'm gonna write for Infopsych!! I never thought I'd get in because I was so sure I did a lousy poem and did a lousy half-written feature about reality tv shows. I didn't even start the news part! But, surprise suprise, I totally earned a spot in the growing staff. They even assigned me to all the sections (meaning: Features, News & Literary!!); but, I'm concentrating on features. Liz told me to put down features because she is the features editor. (hehe) I'm under her control! (hehe! don't get me wrong!! I am so not complaining.)

I have to be really busy right now. I actually will be. I have two articles to write: G.A. and a feature about the cool tv show, Monk. I can't believe I'm actually going to be a writer!! *rock on!?* We're also doing this outreach thing this Thursday. We're going to visit cancer patients(they're just kids...). I don't know if I could attend our dance training on Saturday(because of the wake and all that), but I really wanna go. You know, to get my mind off things. Plus, I also wanna do some Red Cross thing already! * jumping up and down because of unadulterated excitement..a very big grin plastered on my face!*

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO REGZ AND ACE!! happy 1st! :)

..can't wait till Monday.. ü

+ i gotta split. i might as well read Angela's Ashes (Mian's) coz i only borrowed it. and then, i'm gonna read Falling Leaves(Lizzie's?) and East of Eden(my mother's,thankfully!). i also have to finish Confession of a Sociopathic Social Climber(Ishi's) and Maya(mine!). plus, i'm gonna borrow that new Cosmo Lit novel(Ishi's again!) and if i'm lucky enough, i'll remember to borrow Lucky(Mian's again!). didn't i tell you i love books?? +

thwonk i got hit!

2004-06-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

I know I've been too crazy. But hell, it's not everyday that you see me, the drama queen(AUDREY), extremely disturbed with happiness. So there, another living proof that we are all disturbed kiddos!

Chem class sucked, as always.. need i say more?

English class was a blast! It was really fun to see our classmates act and do funny petty things. My fave performances would have to be the TITANIC and the STAR WARS. Both of which starred our guy blockiez. They were sooo funny! Calling them funny is really an understatement. I never thought that our blockiez have a lot of screaming potentials. By the way, I was the ultimate extra(who kinda ruins the whole act! I apologize!) I starred as an extra in three perfomances as 1) Cinderella (reliving the good 'ol days!?) 2) a student from Mona Lisa Smile and 3) a voice over from a scence of My Bestfriend's Wedding! Take about major overuse, kidding! :) TALENT FEE KO, WHERE IS IT!? (hahahahaha)

PAGING MY BLACK TUBE DRESS! I'm still looking for you, baby! :( I totally miss you! I would never find another flattering dress like you ever again! *sobs uncontollably*

I'm going to start that wishie thingie Mariz told me about. Who knows, maybe my wishes would come true. I won't lose anything, would I? My hopes maybe(hehe..) but hell, I should make my own destiny, right? If any of you guys want to try it as well, email me or comment here or message me at my friendster account or something, aighty?:)

Kim's right. Najah's right. I'll definitely go for the gold. I need advice.

+ God please give me what I'm wishing for. I've suffered enough, and I think that this time, I deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy!:) +

damn!i can't sleep coz.. I AM SO FREAKIN HAPPY!!ü

2004-06-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

my calves are hurting like hell..first, football and second, dancing..no biggie though..:) i wanna try out for the CS Women's Football Team..but 1) i don't know how to play football *pe classes just started* 2) i'll become a certified nognog and 3) i won't have enough time to do other things..and oh, i totally forgot 4) i don't wanna drop the dance troupe *coz i love dancing and i love the people i'm with :)* but i'm becoming more and more frustrated by the minute. i have the heart for dancing but i'm a loser in the talent department. *bummer*

my dad's been popping in and out of my room asking me what time i'll be going to bed. but i can't do that just yet. as i've said, i'm still too happy!! i haven't written down my scl assignment yet and i haven't memorized my lines from romy and michele's. *lazy daisy* to make matters worse, i still don't know what to do with that g.a. thing i hafta write. *save me please! anyone!!* just put me in features, at least there i can right down my opinions and use adjectives(as opposed to the rules of news story writing!) argh!! my mind is pretty blank and i'm really panicking(inside!!)

+ jumping outta here with a smile on my face!!! +

i'm in wasteland..

2004-06-26T20:28:00.000+08:00

my day started really early. i left for uste at around 7:30. i was supposed to go to jollibee to meet up with My and Kim(they got to uste first). i found out that rhoie wasn't there yet *bummer* we went to b.hall(?) and waited for our choreographer. turns out ate madelle was choreographing for us(she's friends with ate len). she dances for miriam pala(while her sister and my former batchmate,kristie, dances for admu). she's really cool, really patient and a really really really good dancer!! dang!*insecure nnaman* she taught us kick-ass dance moves and stuff(makes you want to be a professional dancer, i can wish right??) very tiring workshop but nevertheless very rewarding. I'M PRACTICING THE PROPER WAY TO DO THE SCISSORS!! :)

i attended another workshop. it was for infopsych. my mind is so blank right now and i have no idea how i'll even write that g.a. thing they asked me to write(instead of..). *sighs* they're asking me to do a news story. *bummer* i dozed off before the session(i was partly hungry and very tired(and sleepy)). i didn't get to finish the whole thing 'coz my mom was already at the parking lot waiting for moi.

but i still saw some of the auditions. hehe. joyce actually thought we were a batch higher than her. hehe. do i look old? :)

^^i feel so frustated in everything. i hate the way i'm feeling. to make matters worse...... regina's words keep on echoing in my mind. "tama na....." hahahahahahahahaha!^^

+ could anyone help me fix this blog?? anyone?? :( +

why is this universe so mad at me!?

2004-06-25T21:24:00.000+08:00

my ankles hurt. no my legs hurt.
and then, there's the case of the missing tube dress.
next is the LTS module thing i have to download, and the quiz i have to take.
i have a workshop to attend tomorrow(meaning i have to wake up early, AGAIN!). but it's not so bad since it's all about DANCING.
i have to do that paper about the general assembly(which i have not even started yet, and it's due next week).
my lower bod hurts. football is pretty cool though(even if i stepped on the ball and fell down on my knees. makes me laugh all the time!!*hahahaha*)
cute guys go for *erm* not-so-pretty chicks. is that a trend or an epidemic!?*damn*
rain. sun. rain. sun. rain. sun. come on now weather, make up your friggin mind! it's annoying!
i don't like to get wet nor do i want the sun to burn my skin. enough sun and a lot of cool breeze.
calling all the saints in heaven! please give me back my beloved black tube dress. my mom's really pissed off already, she's just acting like it doesn't matter anymore. but hell, i know it does! *it wasn't exactly cheap. besides, dough isn't easy to earn. dang!*
btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY CUZIN, KIMY!!*mwahugz* ü

«« show me someone hotter than him! :) other than his ka-levels(tom and orli ü) *swooning..swooning more..and a lot more swooning to do!!*

dang blasted luck

2004-06-24T21:06:00.000+08:00

i wanna fix my freakin blog..but hell, i have no idea how to!hahah..AVI,rescue me, gurl!hehe :)

i sHouLd bE rEadY f0R a faLL..

2004-06-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

*sighs*..my winamp's playing pj olsson's ready for a fall right now..walalng..hehe..so anyweiz,next song please!*click forward..click forward..click forward..back..forward..forward..forward..back!!* current song: next year by foo fighters.. next attraction: insensitive by jann arden..

♪ i'll be coming home next year!! ♪

i should be studying for my chem test right now, but what the hell am i doing?? plus, i hafta check out that e-campus thing.. grr! i seriously thought that we'd be teaching this sem already.. but hell! i was so wrong..dang! i thought i was gonna see *uno* na.. hay, another sem to endure before the day comes that i'll finally be friends with him.. *hahahahaha!!*

♪ the opening tune of insensitive fills my room.. ♪
◘◘◘ grr..i can't help it..i totally remember my 3rd yr days..
erm,not a really nice memory..so REGZ,never ever hold..it's gonna put a crack in the relationship..that'll be hard to get over..*hek*

i was talking to some of the gurls this afternoon.. *nuthin..* kinda sucks when you hafta hide in your own shell..*nyekz..!* oh well..

♪ misty glass window!! ~ rain falls..dark clouds are raising up above..i gaze in solitude..looking through a misty glass window..'coz then it used to be the two of us..this empty room filled my thoughts with memories of you.. i turned and looked around..oh, but found no sight of you..i guess it'll never be as true.. ♪

i greeted tita nena today..her birthday was yesterday but it totally slipped my mind..her reply was really nice..*i was touched* ü

CAUSALITY NOT CASUALITY!! *ampppppp!!*

♪ she called out a warning..don't ever let life pass you by.. ♪

+ indefinite lying is a very horrid game +

tHis iS mY s0nG... ♪wHeN wiLL iT bE Me♪

2004-06-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

when will it be me by yasmeen

(VERSE1.)
I see the couples are walkin` by
Feel like I
Don`t wanna be alone today
So glad no one can see what I hide
Deep inside
How it feels to be
The girl who never gets the right guy
Tell me why
When there`s so much I`ve got to give
I wake up reaching out in the night
Ready to hold him tight
`Til I realize
That nobody is there

(CHORUS.)
When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
When`s it gonna be?
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms
That never lets me go?

I`d really like to know
When will it be me?

(VERSE2.)
My friends seem to have all the love
(Feels like love)
Knocks on their door and walks right in
I know that I am worthy of what I`ve been wishing for
I can`t wait no more
Love`s nowhere to be found

(CHORUS.)

(HOOK.)
Feeling his tender touch
(Lying in his arms)
Talkin` bout forever together
Givin` him all my love
That`s been trying to break free

Don`t wanna be alone
No more
I`m telling you what I need
I want someone who loves me for me
And when will it be?
Wonder when it will be me?

(CHORUS.)

I ask myself
When will it be me?

a general assembly,two debuts and an awfully wasted me

2004-06-21T19:46:00.000+08:00

i guess the title speaks for itself!!

anyweiz,i went to the freshie general assembly last saturday..it was their turn to experience all the pains and stuff we experienced last year!!*a wicked echoing laugh follows*..i was supposed to stay up to 2pm to finish my infopysch test..good thing (ate) susa and (ate) faith told me to cover the general assembly instead..phew!all those words were kinda foreign..colloquy!?hehehe..back to the general assembly: it was pretty cool and a lot of funny things happened..but it wasn't all that fun,some freshie's were masungit and maangas..this other girl even cried..*talk about bad*..good thing: we were all psycho students..hehe

i was really wasted by then coz i didn't have enough sleep the day before and then,i had to wake up really early..*the call time was 7am*..so anywei,i slept all the way home..i ate lunch and slept again..bad part: i freakin overslept!!i woke up an hour later than i planned(nag-alarm ako!!i put it off and told myself:5 mins nlan..per i woke up an hour later!!waaaaaaaah)..fudge..eheh

i left my house and went straight to valle..i had so many things with me coz i was supposed to sleep at aberdeen..anywei,i saw hannah and my inay,jean..they changed at nikki's..good thing i went with them(i got to talk to nikki pa..i couldn't stay at her debut coz i had to go to my's pa)..i did hannah and jean's make up pa..we headed to the clubhouse and waited for our other blockmates to arrive..by the time nikki went in,i had to leave for my's na..madz was already texting me..i got to my's na..i was pretty bummed coz i was in a tube dress, all glammed up and i was carrying all these stuff coz i had to change for our "hey mama finale"..ishi arrived na..then kim..*nadz & rhea couldn't make it coz they both got sick*..regz,jill and liz didn't reach the gifts part in time..so we changed our outfits na*we were ready to dance na,khet 3 lan kami!huhu* tas on our way back,we say regz & liz in the restroom..we were shouting and stuff!we let them dance khet naka-formal sila..hehe..bad! anywei,we danced a bit more on the dance floor..2e people lang..:( *GWAPO NI PRINCE!!*

i left at around 12..i really wanted to sleep there..pero wala..hay..<--bummer..someone took my dress and put it with my's stuff..hehe

nstp the next day: i was totally disappointed..liz and i didn't see "uno"..hekhek :)

*out of breath..bumpin away!!*

testing

2004-06-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

the pic thing did work but the pic was so freakin big!!no thanks nlan!!heheheh

Last Night

2004-06-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

damn!i had so much fun last night!(even if tears were flowing all night!!)

i almost always had the mic in my hand..i was singin' the night away to the point that my voice as cracking!but hey,i'm not such a bad singer..i'm just really sick right now..understand me!hehe..

i so love my friends..they wouldn't judge you for who and what you are(or better yet,how you're feeling..hehe) it just seems that everyone's story is connected to each other..plus,there's so much respect..*mwah*

MEN ARE PIGS!!need i say more!?
**grr..i'm not really stereotyping men but,hey, they're a-holes!double standards my arse..grr!!**

~statement above: dedicated to all my gurlzz!!:p ~

*bumping out..*

dum-di-dum

2004-06-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

a ton of songs are playing in mind..overlapping even!

the most dominant of them all is what hurts the most..i am frequently asked this question, usually my guy friends..so what really hurts the most!?could it be..oh,forget it!let's not go there..*chuckles*

i erased my poems just recently..but there are a few left though..i might come around and post one of 'em one of these days..the last poem i posted was for small shoes..i'm actually surprised she liked it (i really think i'm an awful poet!) *don't be too hard on yourself..* haha

i miss making poems!i'm gonna start making my "june poem digest"..maybe later(translation: tomorrow,it's almost 12am na din..eheh)

i'm new in this whole blog world that's why i'm so excited..ehehe..i promise to upload more poems..i do seem a bit dark though..yah,whatever!*hiccupz*

tiddle doo ü

*bouncin' away..:hik hik:*

hoppin back on one foot

2004-06-08T21:45:00.000+08:00

should i let jennifer love hewitt hum along or should i just switch songs!?damn!*hehe*

i don't even know why i'm back here..it's not like i can divulge my deepest darkest secrets online..that ain't just me..
so what the hell brought me here?
i don't know..i just wanna write..i can't help it!!*wah!*

don't throw it all away our love, our love..don't throw it all away our love..u alone are the living thing that keeps me alive..

see!something is definitely wrong with me!*hekhek*

~small shoes is online!hehe~

just remembered: i gotta give her her poem tomorrow..or should i type it down nalang..hmm?heheh..

*bouncing out of the room..again!*

life makes me want to run for cover...

2004-06-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

i haven't updated my blog..it's not like anybody's gonna read this anyways..hahah

life seems to be terribly cruel to everyone right now...
is anybody even happy right now?
first day of school: not much happened..just had time to talk to my gurlz today..too bad rhea left us na!*sniff sniff*
national was so packed when my sis and i got there..it was really hard to get around, especially when you're carrying a heavy basket around..*toink*

am i any better today?lemme see..
i guess i am..i'm prolly in a better state today~ compared to my state last week..*bummer!*

life is a f*cker
life is a shocker
life is so round it hurts

i'm talking nonsense again..better split before i cause more damage to myself..anyway, who cares about my life!?

i'm just a sicky lil psycho gurl who isn't having fun..*bleh!*

be back later..if i'm not too lazy..hehe

*bouncing out the door*

where am i?

2004-06-03T16:45:00.000+08:00

i've been very weird lately..

i don't even know me..

what the hell is wrong with me!?

i guess my friends know me enough to point out what the hell is wrong with me..

i've turned into a shoe addict..

and i just can't..can't what!?

oh,whatevah!!